Captain Picard, Professor Xavier, and James Joyce

An English teacher’s humble contribution to geek culture.

stewart

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Name Ideas For Gender-Free Babies

By now, you’ve probably heard about the Canadian couple who are raising their baby without ever telling anyone what gender it is.  This is because they don’t want to shackle the poor little dear with the world’s cruel rules for the different sexes, and definitely not at all because they are weird hippie publicity seekers who are willing to mess with their child’s life just so they can be on the cutting edge of social coolness. 

The parents named their baby Storm, as that can’t identify either gender (or, for that matter, if it’s even human…but at least it’s still better than Moon Unit).  They say that, “We’ve decided not to share Storm’s sex for now — a tribute to freedom and choice in place of limitation.”

Word.  I also can’t stand the fact that society chooses to limit women by making them sit down to pee, and have ovaries.  Men, of course, are similarly coerced into arbitrary stereotypes, like society’s totally biased and unfair demand that they have a higher rate of prostate cancer than women.  I wish we could be more enlightened. 

Should this Canadian couple have another boy, for example, here are some good, genderless names they might consider: It, Thing, That, You, Hey You, Person (or Persyn), Social Pariah, Unfortunate Victim of Politically Correct Experiment, Psych Ward Patient #6, or (after he turns 18 and makes a quick trip to City Hall’s Department of Records) Joe.   

Should Storm turn out to be a girl, though, (and accept the fact!), she could always join the X-Men.

The Ultimate Summer Movie…Unfortunately

I’ve been wondering which of this summer’s moronic, eye-candy popcorn flicks will be crowned the big dumb event of the season.  Will it be X-Men Origins: Wolverine, Terminator: Salvation, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, or G.I. Joe: Rise of the Cobra?  (And when did colons and subtitles become standard fare for these special effects extravaganzas?  What, are they too mature and artsy for X-Men 4, Terminator 4, Transformers 2, or just plain old G.I. Joe?) 

But voting will not be necessary.  We have declared a winner.  Not that I have, will, or even have any desire to see any of these movies, there is no doubt in my mind that the worst movie of the summer is this direct-to-video abomination.  How could it not be, when it features the ever so slightly less than stellar acting chops of Lorenzo Lamas and 80’s teen sensation Debbie “Electric Youth” Gibson? 

*sigh*  Maybe they’ll be so bad they’ll be watchable for the laughs.  But is it really a good thing that our big summer event movies revolve around empty computer graphics and the hope that they might be so bad that we’ll remember them like Plan 9 From Outer Space?