Family Feud Surveys

Every round of this show says that the answers came from a survey of 100 people.  Wikipedia says that there have been at least 8000 episodes.  Say there’s five rounds in each game (a pretty conservative estimate): that makes 40,000 of these surveys.

And at 100 people per survey, that makes 400,000 people.  Or one out of every 750 people in America.

I’ve never been called by their show with questions.  I don’t know anybody who has been.  Do you?  Sounds fishy to me.

Ten Things I’ve Learned Watching Glee

1.       Amazing musical numbers can be staged with virtually no effort or rehearsal time.

2.       Despite complaining of a limited budget, expensive items like perfect costumes, props, sound equipment, and lighting are always available.

3.       High school band members can play a variety of fast, popular songs perfectly, with no advance notice. 

4.       A Spanish teacher can devote all of his energy to an extracurricular club and never have to plan for classes, much less grade papers. 

5.       All teenage singers are fluent in every kind of popular music from the last fifty years. 

6.       High schools have exactly one to three very talented singers in each and every stereotypical group. 

7.       Teachers and students have boundless free time during the school day to chat in empty hallways, empty classrooms, empty offices, empty bathrooms, or busy but clean courtyards where nobody ever wears visible brand names on their clothes. 

8.   Audiences at all performances are quiet, focused, and appreciative.

9.   Regardless of bad attitudes, heartbreak, family distractions, or any other problems, all students will pull through when it counts and perform remarkably well. 

10.   Every complex problem in life can be solved by singing a catchy tune that a young audience would recognize.

Idea For “V”

The massacre at Fort Hood only two days after the premiere of the new science fiction series V, about hostile plotters hiding in our midst, has me thinking about how current events might further factor into the show’s plot.  Specifically, I’m inspired by the leftists in our society who misdirect our attention from the real problems here–violent anti-Americans operating in the open because we’re too politically correct to combat them–to their weird pet projects of multiculturalism and diversity.

The strangest and most revolting example of this must be General George Casey’s assertion that a loss of diversity in the military as a result of this shooting would a greater tragedy than the shooting itself.  This kind of self-flagellating defeatism, of course, plays right into the hands of terrorists.

So here’s my idea for the show: as rebels try to expose the alien invaders for the hungry reptiles they are, the “Visitors” should respond by smearing their critics, slamming them for their lack of open-minded compassion.  Bloggers or talk radio hosts who ask tough questions about the Visitors’ motives should be met with press conferences by aggrieved, indignant aliens who look sternly into the camera and ask, “Why are you so afraid of things that are different or that you don’t understand?  Why are your hearts so full of hate?”