The T Scale

There are many measurement systems out there–from calories to degrees to pounds–but there hasn’t been one to objectively rate the beauty or perfection of things until now.

Using a complex scientific formula, I’ve found a way to quantify beauty and perfection. My results are measured along what I call, for reasons that don’t concern you, the T scale, where the standard for ultimate beauty and perfection are equal to exactly one whole unit of T.

For example, something that had previously only been admired as vaguely “gorgeous,” such as Paris, can now be determined with atomic accuracy as worth exactly .33 T, or one-third of T.

Other things that entail great beauty and approach perfection can now to be statistically categorized along the T scale. A sampling of results is below:

The Mona Lisa = 0.44 T

Beethoven’s Ninth Symphony = 0.88 T

Marilyn Monroe = 0.75 T

A sunrise over a clear mountain lake, just as the leaves are turning colors in the early Fall = 0.83 T

The flawless geometry of Stonehenge and the Great Pyramid = 0.76 T

A gentle chorus of angels humming your favorite lullaby = 0.55 T

Audrey Hepburn = 0.81 T

The ceiling of the Sistene Chapel = 0.91 T

Amy Winehouse = -0.29 T

A double-double cheeseburger from In-N-Out, animal style = 0.71 T

You get the idea.

Other men might be tempted to substitute another letter for T as their barometer of beauty, but they would be wrong.

This is science, people. You can’t argue with science.