As the year winds down, I like to have my classes review the things we’ve read–and the elements of style employed by great authors–by having them write parodies of things as if they were done by literary giants. We start by reading these examples, done up by yours truly. Enjoy!
The Empire Strikes Back, as written by William Shakespeare
VADER: Fair young apprentice, it is I who am the father of thy fleshly tabernacle!
LUKE: Oh, forswear it, vile wretch!
Never shall the days come when I shall agree
To partake of the black compact thou hast proposed.
The very seraphs of heav’n shall blow their mighty trumps
Ere I rule the galaxy with thee!
Napoleon Dynamite, as written by Emily Dickinson
Alas and woe is me,
For bereft of the sweet tots am I.
My lily-white palm reaches–
Out–to cast away the button of
The flippin idiot who–
Votes for Summer in place of Pedro–
My heart drops and yearns for…
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, as written by Ernest Hemingway
Harry chased the snitch. It flew away. He didn’t give up. Draco came up from behind and bashed him. Hard. Harry was used to sabotage.
Harry lurched forward and grabbed the snitch with his hands. Darkness settled and Harry awoke to victory. Draco stood still, and alone.
Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, as written by Ray Bradbury
The old hag cackled a high screeching blare of ugly maniac laughter.
Snow White bit into the rosy orb apple, expecting the sweet juices of intoxicating simple life. Her brain screamed foul as she recognized the betrayal of memory and couldn’t stop the coming end, like an alien doomsday weapon had fired upon all her youth.
Dwarves, seven, flew through the wood, hoping but late.