Only at the very end, when I was selling my dumpy old Kia after 12 years of use and abuse, did I come up with that pun–that I should have called that car Kia-stine. Old school Stephen King fans will get the joke.
Speaking of jokes, when I was selling it, I put up the following ad on Craigslist–I just messed around with it because I didn’t think anyone would really want it. The ad got a lot of positive feedback: one person texted and said, “I don’t want to buy the car, but great ad!” After some yahoos jerked us around about it, though, so I just ended up giving the car to the Make a Wish Foundation.
Anyway, preserved now for all eternity, is the Craigslist ad:
“2004 Kia Optima LX In Truly Awful Condition”
Listen, folks, I’m not gonna lie here. This car is falling apart. It actually used to be a great car, and was for many years, but I ran it into the ground with minimal maintenance. I’m asking for only half of the “fair” listing in KBB.
PROS: It always starts and runs. Never a problem there.
Battery and tires are strong with plenty of life left in them.
Has never exploded, caught on fire, divided by zero, committed a felony, or watched an Adam Sandler movie.
Radio gets some good stations to help distract you from all the cons.