As the father of seven children, I’ve had to clean up a lot of gross stuff over the years. I’ve only been peed on twice, and both times were my own dumb fault–I shouldn’t have been so slow with the transition while changing a diaper.
Still, what happened Monday takes the cake.
Our new daughter was one day old, and I was changing her diaper.
She had just gotten some work done at the hospital, and had a bandage on her heel where they drew blood. As I started, it came off and she bled on me. I put a new band-aid on.
I took off the old diaper and she promptly peed on me, and her clothes, and the blanket. I got the old diaper back under there to get as much as I could.
After that, I got a new diaper and outfit on her. Then, as I was still holding her, she spit up a bunch of what she had recently eaten all over her new clothes and my hands. It even got down into the new diaper.
So I changed her again. As I was in the middle, she started pooping–of course, this is the runny molasses kind that only brand new babies have. Again, I got the old diaper back under there quickly. Then I cleaned her up and got a new diaper on, but not before some of it had gotten on my finger.
As I started putting the new diaper on, her bottom started erupting again. That brought out the third new diaper in just a few minutes. But after all that, finally, she was done.
This was like Adam Sandler and the Three Stooges made a movie together!
At various times, I’ve had kids’ blood, spit up, urine, and feces on me, but never all within the span of three minutes. This kid either got it all out of the way on day one…or just set a scary new precedent.