So You Want to Make Dead Mormons Gay…

A satirical web site has gone up inviting users to help the “many Mormons throughout history [who] have died without having known the joys of homosexuality.”  You enter a name, click a button, and the deceased will then somehow have the chance denied them in mortality.

I think this is a great idea.  Seriously.

The only problem is, this web site’s method isn’t truly analogous to what Mormons do in their temples at all.  Here would be a far closer parallel:

Users would first have to do research to identify their own ancestors who died without being able to try homosexuality.  After all, your motive in this project is to bless those whose lives led to your own.  This will require dozens and even hundreds of hours of interviews, online research, and contacting vital records departments.

Once you’ve identified your ancestors, you can’t simply click a button, though.  You must travel to a certain special place dedicated to this work, which will require you to set aside a few hours, on average.  Once there, the work itself involves a simple ritual, but one that must be done precisely, and repeated for each ancestor.

If you care about your departed forefathers being able to enjoy the same things you’ve been blessed to enjoy, then this effort should be a small price to pay.

I genuinely hope that the creators and users of this site will upgrade their satire and find a richer spiritual experience through their service, as millions of Latter-day Saints find in baptism for the dead.  Then, I think, we’ll have more to talk about.

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3 comments on “So You Want to Make Dead Mormons Gay…

  1. Doesn’t this kind of undermine the whole “being gay is not a choice” meme? I assume that our non-gay ancestors are being given the choice to convert in the afterlife, and are not having “gayness” forced upon them.

    Of course, that’s the whole element of the discussion taking place in the media about the doctrine of baptism for the dead that’s being left out of the discussion: they don’t want to argue about the doctrine as WE teach it, they would much rather discuss their mistaken understanding of our doctrine, in which agency plays no part. If you try to assert that agency is an essential part of our teaching about the doctrine, then they just declare it a stupid doctrine not worth discussion at all and then they move on to some other topic.

  2. Mark–good call. Their satire isn’t really that effective, because it so little resembles what they claim to be making fun of. That’s why I said it’s a great idea–if they want to do their satire right, they’ll end up learning a lot about us and better respecting what we do.

  3. you’re both right in a way, but i think that those holocaust victims quite often have not had their work done for them by their descendants, but it has been more like recording basically random names.

    i think that their understanding of the non-existent choice re baptism for the dead does build on the understanding that gayness isn’t a choice, either. personally, i have no choice about being dull instead of gay. ;)

    i think “famous dead mormons” is a better satire.

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