I Miss Fake Shakes

I used to love getting a big, gross, cold shake at any fast food place–a thick, syrupy monster of cheap chocolatey slop.  But these days they seem to be even more rare than a competent fielder on the Brewers. 

First I noticed Jack in the Box make the transition.  The big beloved cardboard cups were swapped out for little Starbucks-like plastic cups, and half the shake was now just whipped cream.  Then McDonalds–McDonalds!  Home of the crappiest and most wonderful shakes in the world!–followed suit.  Now I don’t know who even carries big old fake shakes any more.  Burger King?  Del Taco?  *shudder* Arby’s?  Yes, I would even go there.

This may well be the most petty thing I’ve ever ranted about, but I can’t impress upon you seriously enough the intensity of my emotion about this.  I loved those nasty old things, and I cannot stand how much I loathe their inferior replacements.  I can’t wait for our dumb society to get over this infatuation with dainty desserts so maybe I can go back to slurping down those enormous cartons of gooey, gluey, toxic frozen sludge.  A piece of our heritage is gone, people. 



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