In one of his high profile TV campaign ads, Harry Reid has infamously touted the fact that he “took them on and didn’t blink” when “the mob took over Vegas,” even after (so says the ad) “they put a bomb in the family station wagon.” This harrowing adventure inspired the following:
Las Vegas, 1981.
Don Salami: Boys, as you know, the mob has never had any kind of presence in Las Vegas before, but now we have suddenly taken over.
Guido: Yes, boss, that is true.
Vinnie: Strange that you would start a conversation that way, though.
Don Salami: However, there is one and only one major obstacle that threatens our total domination over this quaint and quiet little burg, that heroic lawman known as Elliot Ness, I mean, Harry Reid.
Guido: Yes, boss, that Harry Reid is a regular supercop, a former gaming commissioner of unimpeachable integrity who has thwarted our evil schemes at every turn.
Vinnie: Now that he is out of office, I say we try to kill him. That will get us what we want!
Don Salami: Not only will we kill him, Vinnie, but we will do so in a very dramatic, very public way, such that other people will be put in danger and we may not get him at all. Also, we will be sure to do so in a way that is amateurish and uncharacteristic of how we usually do it, so that no one will be able to know for sure that it was really us at all.
Guido: You mean by tying a loose wire between car parts and not by rigging an actual bomb at all? That’s brilliant, boss!
Don Salami: That’s why I’m the boss. Here, boys, have a cigar. And a toast, to victory over Harry Reid! Mwah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!