Book of Moses Commentary Part V: What I Wish To Tell the Young Women of the Church

Moses 8:13-15 reads: “And Noah and his sons hearkened unto the Lord, and gave heed, and they were called the sons of God.  And when these men began to multiply on the face of the earth, and daughters were born unto them, the sons of men saw that those daughters were fair, and they took them wives, even as they chose.  And the Lord said  unto Noah: The daughters of thy sons have sold themselves…”

This could have been written today.  The daughters of the sons of God were fair?  No kidding.  Everywhere I’ve seen, the local LDS young women tend to be among the most beautiful, the most talented, and the most wonderful girls there.  The sons of men wanted them?  Of course they did.  And still do.  Who wouldn’t?  Any guy in his right mind would want to be married to a Mormon girl.  And those fair daughters sold themselves into marriage with the sons of men?  I see it all the time.

I don’t know why so many Mormon girls marry non-Mormons, but I do know one thing: those guys may be perfectly fine, might even be really great guys, but when these poor girls become mothers and older women and see the priesthood and temple blessings they and their family are missing out on, and see the lack of unity their relationship has to deal with, it hurts them.  I’ve never known an LDS woman who married outside the church and never regretted it. 

So here’s what I wish to tell the young women of the church: don’t sell yourself short.  Don’t settle for anything less than a temple marriage.  And don’t be tempted by anyone outside of that goal who might want you for himself.  There absolutely will be many, many boys and young men who will want to be with you, and many of them will be good guys.  But they won’t be the right guys.  Your eternal happiness is worth holding out for the very best man.  It was true in Noah’s time, and it’s still true today.

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2 comments on “Book of Moses Commentary Part V: What I Wish To Tell the Young Women of the Church

  1. I have read and enjoyed your blog for some time. I don’t always have to agree with you to enjoy what you say and the way you say it. It is encouraging to know that there are fine teachers out there, and some of my favorite of your posts have been about your educational adventures.

    I am old enough to be your mother. In fact I am old enough to have an unmarried daughter older than you are. At your age and in your situation I can imagine myself writing the same things you wrote in this post. However, watching my two daughters, one married, divorced and remarried, and inactive; the other, faithful and single, I have to say it is not as easy, obvious, or black and white as you made it sound. Our older, faithful daughter turned back wonderful men who were not LDS, convinced that she would find someone to take her to the temple. Eventually she went alone. She finds it difficult, to the point of avoiding some meetings, to sit and listen to talks and lessons on marriage and family. She fills her life with interesting people and hobbies, but yearns for the intimacy of a mate and the joys of children. She turns forty next year. Her chance of children of her own is passing. She did all the right things, made all the right choices, and feels she was denied the blessings she most desired and was promised. Yes, you can tell her that this life is not the full measure, but that doesn’t feel like much of a comfort most of the time.

    Her sister, inactive, in and out of trouble her whole life, has a beautiful daughter who is the light of the family. However frustrating the struggles have been, mother and daughter have been a source of love and strength for each other. It is hard for our oldest to feel that in spite of other difficulties, her sister didn’t end up with the better deal.

    Our daughter is not alone. There is an alarmingly large population of single women who have gone inactive in the Church, precisely because they feel like they did what they were told, were promised blessings that did not materialize, and with the focus on married life in the Church are offered little or nothing in meetings or meaningful interactions in their Wards.

    The decision isn’t always between a member and non-member. Sometimes it is between a loving relationship and children, and nothing. The lack of priesthood in the home and temple vows doesn’t seem much different to some single women than what they ended up with anyway.

    Not sayin’ you’re wrong – just sayin’.

    The older I get, the less simple things seem, and the fewer easy answers I find.

  2. Jane, I won’t try to add anything to your comments, because I understand your daughter’s loneliness and there are no easy answers for her. Besides, anything I could think of to say, I’m sure you already know and have heard a hundred times before.

    Like everyone else, I loved Elder Holland’s talk in the last General Conference about the intensity of the Atonement, and that perspective is useful for all of us, but it still doesn’t give an unmarried person someone to cuddle up with at night.

    Everyone has challenges in life, but all challenges are not created equal. I’m very grateful that I don’t have to deal with going through this life without a partner, or live with an addiction from the past whose temptation just doesn’t ever go away, or try to handle being homosexual knowing that the law of chastity essentially requires a life of celibacy, or any of a number of other serious hardships. The ultimate suffering must be burying your own children, and I can never be grateful enough that mine are all alive and healthy.

    Jane, I’ll still say that the best thing we can do for the good of most young women is to teach and testify of temple marriage. That may mean that some girls will be single longer, but I think that if more girls compromise their temple goals, far more of them will end up unhappy.

    You say you’ve read my blog for a while; I wonder if you read my post last month about inactive husbands. With that in mind, I have to say that the ultimate villains here are the many, many men in the Church who do not live worthy of their blessings and opportunities. We seem to have far more women than men who are seeking temple marriage, which puts a lot of wonderful women on an automatic dead end road. It’s heartbreaking. I remember reading an article last year that said that increasingly more African American women are choosing not to marry simply because they can’t find good enough men to settle down with. Apparently, America’s problem of immature and unspiritual men crosses race and religious lines. Sad. While I’m thinking about it, here’s another article about it.

    God bless you and your daughter. I hope that she finds the happiness she deserves.

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