Dang It, Malloy! Die Already!

I’ve long been blessed by the good people over at www.refdesk.com.  I’ve used their links to test prep sites as quick warm up activities in my classes, I’ve used their clearinghouse of crossword puzzle links for amusement, and I’ve gotten more than one fun family activity out of their collection of daily photography, especially the Astronomy Picture of the Day.

But today takes the cake.  Today they proved that they’re worth their weight in gold.  (Er, if they had weight, which they don’t, because they’re an ethereal, incorporeal Internet site.  But if they did have weight, it would be substantial, like a herd of elephants carrying lead boulders.) 

Today I noticed their “Article of the Day,” which was about a man named Michael Malloy.  This is one of those true stories that makes me gape in wonder and ask, how in the world did I make it into my fourth decade before ever hearing about this? 

Four acquaintances took out insurance policies on the poor drunken Malloy and then tried to kill him.  But he proved bizarrely durable:

Marino owned a speakeasy, and gave Malloy unlimited credit, thinking it would soon put an end to him. Although Malloy drank for a majority of his waking day, which would kill an average man, it didn’t. To remedy this, Antifreeze, a deadly poison, was substituted for liquor, but still Malloy would drink until he passed out, wake up, and come back for more. Antifreeze was substituted with turpentine, followed by horse liniment, and finally mixed in rat poison. Still Malloy flourished….Then came a sandwich of soiled sardines, carpet tacks, and metal shavings…

 

There’s more, and it gets better.  Definitely go read the whole thing.

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