Instant I.Q. Test

Do you like the band Radiohead?


___Don’t Know


Score yourself below



Yes.  You clearly have a superior mind.   Indeed, all the little neurons in your synapses fire faster than Paris Hilton would run when presented with an opportunity to embarrass herself.  You, my friend, are a connoisseur of the finer things in life, and can appreciate things at a far deeper level than the befuddled masses could even imagine possible; you can look at a “Calvin and Hobbes” comic strip and meditate for hours over the intricate subtleties of its social commentary; even more, you can overhear a snippet of some currently-popular radio pablum and immediately dissect its every lacking nuance, exposing its multiple critical flaws to the disinfectant air for the whole world to gaze upon and shudder at what they had thoughtlessly ingested.  But, alas, keen analysis like yours tends to be ignored by the Philistines.

Still, despite your void of intellectual peers (you thought about joining Mensa, but those morons bore you to tears), you relish the opportunities afforded you by Radiohead to exercise your rapier wit in glorious synthesis and increasingly minute cogitation for its own sake.  You might even have read this in a June 2006 issue of The New Yorker, understood it, and agreed most wholeheartedly: “Radiohead’s main interest is not improvisation, nor do the band’s affinities to modern classical music and electronica mask the fact that its dominant syntax is pop. The songs mutate briskly, and are larded with hummable motifs. Even when Jonny Greenwood is fiddling with a radio and Yorke is ululating toward the great unknown, the band obeys an internal clock that arrests its elaborations before tedium defeats wonder.”  Now scratch you chin and furrow your brow.  You listen to Radiohead.  You have deep thoughts.

I.Q.–at least 170.  Possibly higher.  Probably higher.

Don’t Know.  I see you’re eating a grilled cheese sandwich.  No, no, I don’t mean anything by it.  In fact, I also like the occasional grilled cheese.  But I saw you eating the same thing yesterday.  And the day before.  Could I, uh, interest you in delectifying your palate with…oh, I mean, would you like to try a taste of something different, maybe something from another area, or something that requires slightly more strenuous preparation?  I mean, something that’s a little harder to make?  Why?  Well, don’t you want to broaden your horizons a bit, or see if you might really dig any of the millions of things out there that you haven’t seen or heard yet? 

OK.  If you ever change your mind, the option’s still out there.  If you want to, might I recommend starting with OK Computer

I.Q.–solidly average: 100, give or take 10.

No.  You don’t need to be ashamed.  In the past, people like you would have been taunted and stigmatized so badly that only the lowest fringes of society would accept you.  You might have ended up working in a traveling carnival, or at Denny’s.  Today, however, we are more tolerant, and we have plenty of programs and medication to work with your condition.  Don’t worry, everything will be fine.  Admitting you have a problem is the first step to recovery.

I.Q.–um, you know, I.Q. is really overrated.  There’s still a lot we don’t know about it, and it’s certainly rude to label people like this.  Just go on and enjoy your life the best you can! 


The above was conceived Saturday afternoon while driving to the library, under the influence of Kid A (2000). 


One comment on “Instant I.Q. Test

  1. Ha…this is brilliant.

    I made a t-shirt while at BYU with “Radiohead Kid A” on it. You’d be surprised at how many fans come out of the woodwork. Unfortunately I got married the week “Hail to the Thief” came out (er…unfortunately “Hail to the Thief” came out the week I got married – I’m happily married) and I haven’t really paid attention to any of their new albums since.

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