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Archive for the ‘Humor’ Category

“TV Party Tonight!”

Great satire from early 80′s-era Black Flag.  Even better than the social commentary is the reminder of what was popular 30 years ago (“That’s Incredible! Hill Street Blues! Dallas!”).

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Sideways Editing

When revising writing that I’ve labelled “awkward,” students have a tendency to practice what I call “sideways editing.”  Instead of swapping out their initial phraseology for something more fluently developed, they rearrange the existing parts into an equally awkward sequel.

Here’s an example that I now use as an illustration in class:

First draft: The article had good ideas in it and related them to us good. 

is not substantially improved as

Second draft: The article’s ideas were good and they were related to the readers in good ways too.  

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  1. This One Weird Story Actually Makes Sense Out of Everything–Amazing!
  2. Such Drama in This Rich, Dysfunctional Family That Threw It All Away
  3. A Politician Who Really Cares About The People? What?!
  4. One Man Stands Alone Against a Whole Society–So Inspiring!
  5. 50 Questions That Will Rock Your World–#30 Took My Breath Away
  6. This Guy Has The Ultimate Secrets of Success in Work–Here They Are!
  7. 5 Simple Steps To Find Out That God Is Real! Wow! Really Works!
  8. This Normal Slacker Went From Zero to Hero–The Big Difference Is Right in the Middle!
  9. Read This True Story About Children and Angels and Try Not to Cry!
  10. One Awesome Challenge That Promises a Miracle! Changes You Forever!

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“That’s what she said”

How to be a droll troll: say “That’s what she said!” immediately after any female ever says anything.

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Instapundit Fun

Go to Instapundit.  Scroll down a few screens and on the right you’ll see the search box.  Search for the phrase, “They told me if.”

Enjoy one of the Internet’s best running gags.

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Sick Day Origins

Teachers: “It’s 3 A.M. and I’ve thrown up five times.  Maybe I should call in sick?  But the juniors have that big project due today, and I want to be sure I hold them to it.  Besides, a lot of them worked really hard and they want me to see their final product.  And I have two parent conferences I need to be there for.  And if I stay home sick, I’ll just have to go in for a bit anyway, because I’ll have to switch out half the materials for 3rd and 4th period for stuff the sub will be able to use.  And I have three kids coming in for detention today–no way do they get off the hook!  Plus, I’m doing my favorite lesson of the quarter with the sophomores and I don’t want to miss that, or push it back, or have a sub messing that up.  …Oh!  And I wanted to talk to those guys in 1st period about the game yesterday!  *sigh*  I’ll just go in.  It’s too much hassle to take a day off.”

Students:*Achoo!*  Sweet!  I have the sniffles.  I’m gonna take a week off!”

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“Baned” Books

A “Baned” book would be in much worse shape than a banned book.

Last week I saw a student open a paperback in that painful way that so many people do; the pages he’d already read were folded all the way around so that the front cover touched the back cover.

As he started reading, I said, “Dude, that book’s Batman and you’re pulling a Bane on him!”  The student immediately got the reference and let the book go from this contorted death grip.

Scroll down for an explanation of the joke!

(more…)

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Annotating Dan Brown

A bit of harsh language, but hilarious and spot-on:  http://www.themillions.com/2014/01/dumbest-thing-ever-scribbling-in-the-margins-of-dan-browns-inferno.html

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The Anti-Poseur T-Shirt Rule

There’s just one law that we really need to make the world a better place:

Anyone wearing a t-shirt for a band must, at any time, upon being stopped in public and questioned, be able to correctly name three songs by that band within ten seconds.  Anyone who doesn’t successfully pass this test must hand over the shirt to the questioner.

Sometimes I wish I ran the world.

 

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The best thing about this joke is that, in order to make it work, I only have to write as well as a five-year-old.

Portrait

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“Minimum Wage”

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Final Exam Follies

This semester I had three sections of a remedial college writing class, where the final exam is graded by a committee of the teachers, who get to put in several hours outside of class this week doing so.  Hooray, I’m on the committee!

Every college final exam always has that one person who stays to work on their test for an hour after everyone else has left.  They only leave because time runs out.  On Tuesday I had one such situation where the lights in the building automatically shut off at 10 PM.  The student cheerfully continued writing until I said it was time to go.

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Error Messages

Whenever I get an error message that says something like, “The object you are looking for doesn’t exist,” I’m suddenly filled with existential dread.

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“I Threw It On The Ground”

I know this is hardly new, but it’s great and I was reminded of it again this week when a student, giving a speech in class about (naturally) hating school, actually said that he wouldn’t be controlled by our system.  

Just like the narrator of this song, who creates a perfect parody of this attitude: an arrogant rejection of some grand conspiracy to oppress him (a conspiracy which clearly doesn’t exist because, in the ultimate insult to the pompous sensibilities of the young, the mundane world is actually oblivious to their insignificant, predictable narcissism).  

I was also reminded of this fantastic little Onion article from last summer.  

 

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