“The Whole Concatenation of Diabolical Rascality”

Probably the single coolest phrase in all of scripture, right there.  In Doctrine and Covenants 123, Joseph Smith encouraged the Latter-day Saints to keep track of all the “libelous publications,” as well as property damage and physical abuse, they had suffered.

Verse 5 uses this unique and memorable phrase to summarize that record: “the whole concatenation of diabolical rascality.”  Isn’t it wonderful?

First of all, it’s funny in the way that wordy phrases are, using multiple long, obscure words right next to each other.  Also, it’s a perfect example of that 19th century style of excruciatingly exact wording.  The individual words themselves are quite funny, too.  “Concatenation.”  Just say that one aloud.

Everybody should definitely highlight this phrase in their own copies right away.

And if you haven’t read the Doctrine and Covenants, you really should.  Who wouldn’t want to read a book that has gems like this in it?

 

 

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It’s All Downhill From Here

As the father of seven children, I’ve had to clean up a lot of gross stuff over the years.  I’ve only been peed on twice, and both times were my own dumb fault–I shouldn’t have been so slow with the transition while changing a diaper.

Still, what happened Monday takes the cake.

Our new daughter was one day old, and I was changing her diaper.

She had just gotten some work done at the hospital, and had a bandage on her heel where they drew blood.  As I started, it came off and she bled on me.  I put a new band-aid on.

I took off the old diaper and she promptly peed on me, and her clothes, and the blanket.  I got the old diaper back under there to get as much as I could.

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The Classics Matter

Some teachers may say that the canon of classics is obsolete.  They may say that basic things aren’t as important as creativity.  They might degrade the value of memorizing facts.

But if you’re a college student and you go on Wheel of Fortune and pronounce “Achilles” incorrectly, millions of people will laugh at you.

Sideways Editing

When revising writing that I’ve labelled “awkward,” students have a tendency to practice what I call “sideways editing.”  Instead of swapping out their initial phraseology for something more fluently developed, they rearrange the existing parts into an equally awkward sequel.

Here’s an example that I now use as an illustration in class:

First draft: The article had good ideas in it and related them to us good. 

is not substantially improved as

Second draft: The article’s ideas were good and they were related to the readers in good ways too.  

The Book of Mormon as Clickbait: 10 Awesome Examples That Will Totally Blow Your Mind Forever!

  1. This One Weird Story Actually Makes Sense Out of Everything–Amazing!
  2. Such Drama in This Rich, Dysfunctional Family That Threw It All Away
  3. A Politician Who Really Cares About The People? What?!
  4. One Man Stands Alone Against a Whole Society–So Inspiring!
  5. 50 Questions That Will Rock Your World–#30 Took My Breath Away
  6. This Guy Has The Ultimate Secrets of Success in Work–Here They Are!
  7. 5 Simple Steps To Find Out That God Is Real! Wow! Really Works!
  8. This Normal Slacker Went From Zero to Hero–The Big Difference Is Right in the Middle!
  9. Read This True Story About Children and Angels and Try Not to Cry!
  10. One Awesome Challenge That Promises a Miracle! Changes You Forever!

Sick Day Origins

Teachers: “It’s 3 A.M. and I’ve thrown up five times.  Maybe I should call in sick?  But the juniors have that big project due today, and I want to be sure I hold them to it.  Besides, a lot of them worked really hard and they want me to see their final product.  And I have two parent conferences I need to be there for.  And if I stay home sick, I’ll just have to go in for a bit anyway, because I’ll have to switch out half the materials for 3rd and 4th period for stuff the sub will be able to use.  And I have three kids coming in for detention today–no way do they get off the hook!  Plus, I’m doing my favorite lesson of the quarter with the sophomores and I don’t want to miss that, or push it back, or have a sub messing that up.  …Oh!  And I wanted to talk to those guys in 1st period about the game yesterday!  *sigh*  I’ll just go in.  It’s too much hassle to take a day off.”

Students:*Achoo!*  Sweet!  I have the sniffles.  I’m gonna take a week off!”

“Baned” Books

A “Baned” book would be in much worse shape than a banned book.

Last week I saw a student open a paperback in that painful way that so many people do; the pages he’d already read were folded all the way around so that the front cover touched the back cover.

As he started reading, I said, “Dude, that book’s Batman and you’re pulling a Bane on him!”  The student immediately got the reference and let the book go from this contorted death grip.

Scroll down for an explanation of the joke!

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