Phil? Phil? Whoa there, buddy, it’s cool. Don’t get skittish on me. The police asked me to come up here and just talk to you for a bit, OK? Can I sit out here with you? It’s a little breezy this high up, isn’t it? Could I bring you up some coffee? No? OK, how about a windbreaker to take off the chill while we talk? OK, great. Let me radio that in.
So, look, Phil, I’m not the kind of guy to sugar coat things, and I’m gonna give it to you straight, because I know you’re tough and you can take it…you blew it. You blew it big time. You were ahead by 24 points before the half–the biggest lead at that point in the game in playoff history–and you blew it. Instead of insuring a comfortable win at home for your Lakers, you guys just set the stage for the Celtics to mount a comeback straight out of those cheesy movies they make down the street.
But you know what, Phil? It’ll be OK. Life goes on. Hey…hey! No need to cry and get all shaky, that makes me think we can’t communicate here. Can you take some deep breaths and calm down? Alright. Good. Now, as I was saying, this is going to be a big black mark on a great career, but it happens. Nobody’s perfect. Sure, you had Kobe and the crowd on your side and you were playing a team whose star players don’t have nearly the experience your squad does…but it’s not your fault. In the history books, this loss will just be a footnote. A really big, dazzling, chapter-long footnote, but still…
OK, Phil, sorry, just trying a little humor there. You don’t need to squat down and put out your arms like you’re about to dive; you could slip and really fall. Is that what you want, Phil? To fall and end it like this? After all you’ve accomplished? That would hardly be a fitting exit for your image, would it?
Look, here’s the jacket I ordered for you! Thanks, seargeant. Well, gosh, look at that, this is a Knicks jacket, and that’s your old number on the back! Remember those days, Phil? Remember all those fouls? Is this a dignified way to go for a guy like you?
That’s right, take my hand and let’s just step through this window and make a plan. After all, it’s not impossible for you guys to come back and win it. Even though no team has ever recovered from a 3-1 deficit to actually win the championship, I suppose there’s still a chance that–oh no, Phil! Phil! Don’t do it! Phiiiiiillllllll! *sigh* I sure hope they got those big mattresses in place in time…
